Monday, December 7, 2009

do over!

Remember when you were a kid and you would miss kicking the ball completely in a game of kickball and you could yell, "Do Over!" and everyone would pretend your last try never happened and you got a second chance? I've never wanted to yell "Do Over!" as much as I did this weekend.

After going to see Santa with my daughter, sister and niece on Saturday, I pulled into a parking spot at my sister's condos. One minute I was gliding my car easily into the spot, the next my car was wildly out of control, going over the curb, up a small embankment and heading for the wall of the condo building. I'm really not sure what happened. All I can think is that my foot slipped off my brake and onto the gas. I remember seeing the wall come at us and thinking, we were going to through it. I remember wondering how I could prevent it. I thought my foot was on the brake, so in that split second, I couldn't imagine how to stop us. I think I threw the car into reverse because then we were speeding back down the hill. (We did hit the wall, but didn't go through it.) But we were again out of control and speeding towards a wall behind us. I pulled the emergency brake and we stopped without hitting anything.

Luckily no one was injured. My car has enough damage to need to go to the body shop and the condo building is going to need stucco, but it could have been SO much worse. I spent Saturday night awake the entire night. Every time I would close my eyes, I would see the accident. Then I would think of all the terrible things that could have happened. I didn't think I could take it anymore. I'm feeling a bit better today, but I'm still shaken up. I'm also so grateful that we are all safe and sound. That no one in my car, or anywhere else, was injured. I feel stupid too. Wondering how this happened. Seriously, I'm a pretty good driver. I haven't had a ticket or accident in over 20 years. (The last accident was in college when I hit a coyote in the middle of the night as it ran across the freeway-not really anything I did there!) So how did I end up going from parking to accelerating? I'll never know. You see these accidents on TV, where someone went through a fast-food restaurant wall or something. The driver was usually 100+ years old or drunk. I was neither. I feel like I can't trust myself anymore. I feel like my life went briefly out of control and there was nothing I could do about it.

I know this all be a distant memory someday. I know I will feel better. Right now, though I feel scared, vulnerable, sad, stressed, confused and about a hundred other emotions. I am trying to settle on grateful though. Grateful that the accident wasn't as bad as it could have been. Grateful everyone is okay.

Keep your fingers crossed for me. That all goes well with insurance adjustors, body shop mechanics and building owners.