Last night, as I thought about the beginning of my week approaching, I was overcome with a feeling of angst. I realized another week had gone by and another was approaching and I feel like a pinball. Richoting around my life, without purpose, without goals. And this has been going on for five years. Before I had my daughter, I was a VERY driven, goal orientated person. When I put my mind to something-whether it was career goal, or just exercising more, I got the job done. I may have sat on the couch on a Sunday night and felt unhappy about going to work, but at least I knew where I was going and what was working towards. Now I'm floating. Some weeks I think I want to be the next Martha Stewart. Some weeks, I feel like chucking it all and just focusing on being a mom. And I feel like I bounce all over the place and don't do anything well because I can't focus. But I don't do anything to change it. And nothing is going to change if I don't change the way I do things. Didn't Einstein once say it's insanity to do the same things over and over and expect different results? Well, "Hello Insanity!"
My ever genius mom often shares pearls of her wisdom with me (much of it based on her being able to look back at her young, mothering days and see what worked & what didn't) and has recommended that maybe setting goals or trying to be one thing (a successful career woman) or another (a perfect mother) isn't the way to go. That I could (she never says should) accept the fact that some days, my career will be on fire and some days I'll be the best mom out there. That I could just go along for the ride, love what's working at that moment and forget about what's not. It's advice I'm thinking a lot about today.
9 comments:
I love that your mom uses "could", not "should".
As a former career woman, I also wonder why I sometimes find it difficult to organize my career goals while managing being a wife, mother, household financial manager, and "chief cook and bottle washer". I mean REALLY, I have a college degree and used to manage a staff of professionals before becoming a full-time stay-at-home-mom.
Your mom's right. Some days we are better in one area, and other days we are better in another area.
And just look at all you've accomplished with your creativity!
Beautiful photo of your darling daughter!
Cindy
Your mom is VERY wise. We really can't put those labels on ourselves. Why can't you be a mom and a biz woman? A lot of women are. Being one doesn't mean you can't also be the other, too. This is 2011. We can be whatever we want! :)
That mom is pretty smart. Do what you love to do and the rest will take care of itself. To quote the great Pippi Longstocking "Well you should know what you have to do — you can feel the right thing to do in your heart."
For obvious reasons, I love this post. Do you realize that you seem to get a big dose of this angst whenever you have had a noticeable success? Look into the mirror and say, 50 times, "get behind me doubter. I am fantastic and capable in an astounding number of ways." And listen to Pippi, that little sage.
Yeah, what Laura said!
I get the same way whenever I have accomplished something big. That ole "what's next" starts hanging over your head, and in our industry there's this expectation that there WILL be that "what's next" ... preferably sooner than later. I find myself very aimless right before I'm ready to tackle that "what's next". Maybe that's what's going on?
You're mom's a smart cookie!
Thank you for this post Laura. I often forget that there are other that feel very much like I do. Your mom is very wise...I needed that advice. Please tell her I said thank you!
Wow....it's surprises me that someone as established as you would go through many of the same feelings I'm going through as I'm trying to figure out how to fully launch into the crafting world.
But I guess it really shouldn't surprise me...I think this is a struggle that many women have, especially moms.
So kudos to your mama for reminding us all that each day will be different and will often cater to our different strengths. We just have to take it one day at a time!
it is the reality of creative cycles... i feel your pain, and understand it completely. keep on keep'n it on.
Funny I struggle the same way, your Mom is so right dear friend, you are very amazing at all you do. Including being a friend who is always there. I think you are doing so well with life I think its just now you don't live with routine and on a to do list. Set yourself mini goals but please be easier on yourself cause you are doing an excellent job xx
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