Monday, February 28, 2011

Confessions of a Domestic Goddess

Last night, as I thought about the beginning of my week approaching, I was overcome with a feeling of angst.  I realized another week had gone by and another was approaching and I feel like a pinball.  Richoting around my life, without purpose, without goals.  And this has been going on for five years.  Before I had my daughter, I was a VERY driven, goal orientated person.  When I put my mind to something-whether it was career goal, or just exercising more, I got the job done.  I may have sat on the couch on a Sunday night and felt unhappy about going to work, but at least I knew where I was going and what was working towards.  Now I'm floating.  Some weeks I think I want to be the next Martha Stewart.  Some weeks, I feel like chucking it all and just focusing on being a mom.  And I feel like I bounce all over the place and don't do anything well because I can't focus.  But I don't do anything to change it.  And nothing is going to change if I don't change the way I do things.  Didn't Einstein once say it's insanity to do the same things over and over and expect different results?  Well, "Hello Insanity!"

My ever genius mom often shares pearls of her wisdom with me (much of it based on her being able to look back at her young, mothering days and see what worked & what didn't) and has recommended that maybe setting goals or trying to be one thing (a successful career woman) or another (a perfect mother) isn't the way to go.  That I could (she never says should) accept the fact that some days, my career will be on fire and some days I'll be the best mom out there.  That I could just go along for the ride, love what's working at that moment and forget about what's not.  It's advice I'm thinking a lot about today.