I was devastated and instantly went on a guilt trip of epic proportions. How could I let my child walk around with pneumonia? How could I have been so flippant about her lingering cough? I was going to write a big blog post about my guilt and what a terrible mother I am. But a couple things have happened since.
First, when I posted my guilt to my Facebook page, I received many comments from other moms, telling me stories about how similar things happened to them. I realized these things don't just happen to me. Why, as mothers, do we always immediately assume we have been deficient in our duties in some way and that we are the ONLY mother who makes mistakes? As far as I've observed, my husband rarely instantly blames himself for being a bad father. He walked out the ER on Thursday night, saying, "Wow! Who knew? Even the doctors were surprised!" Whereas I walked beside him, silently torturing myself for not being a "good" mother. I really need to take a page out of my husband's book and get over myself already.
Then, on Friday, we went to my daughter's regular doctor, who listened to her chest and told me she sounded good and that we were lucky because it looked like we had caught the pneumonia early. Her two week cough had simply been a virus that recently turned into pneumonia. Again, why did I torture myself, assuming she had been very ill for a long time? In my rational mind, I'm sure that I would have taken her to the doctor if she was exhibiting worrisome symptoms. But no, I doubted and tortured myself instead.
So I learned that I need to have a bit more confidence. I need to remember I'm human. I need to remember I'm a good mom. And I need you to remember the same.
4 comments:
Laura,
It's one of those mysteries in life - like the dryer eating socks. One minute you have a child who is well and the next minute...not so much. You took her to the doctor the second she began exhibiting real illness. Your mom instincts are still in grand working order. Please be good to yourself.
Vicki
Ask your sister about having a mother who let her walk around with pneumonia! Until mothers come equipped with x-ray vision, these things will happen. That little girl is major healthy, think her Mom had anything to do with that?
You a terrible mother, never and I know in years to come you will share this story with Olivia when she herself probably thinks the same.
I have tortured myself on so many occasions, especially with Gray, it has taken time to train my brain to think otherwise but as your mom said we haven't got X-ray vision.
Hope the gorgeous one is feeling better? xxxx
For me, as a new mother and pregnant once again, I have been totally overwhelmed by the guilt and self flagalation I go through on a weekly basis. I've kinda refined it down to the fact that even though I know I look after my children and they are happy and healthy other people don't and because you immediately become public property the moment you conceive and EVERYONE is an expert on you, your pregnancy, your child, parenting, education, health, talent etc you suddenly completely ignore your own opinion because everyone else seems far more clued up to everything you do and then you start accepting their opinions and judgements and criticisms as gospel rather then just an opinion. Even yesterday some woman said my 18 month old looked 'small'. I was distraught. I know she's talking rubbish as my daughter is actually perfectly average AND thats taking into consideration her whole family are small too AND she's a girl AND acts a lot older then she is. But I still worried about what SHE thought about it and what SHE thought of me. Every time i do something wrong I feel like I have to look over my shoulder to see if someone it tutting me. I have never been like this over anything in my life. And it has to stop! Its ridiculous. Im angry at myself because of it. Needless to say I've become very reluctant to discuss my children with other people now just because I don't like being put into that defensive, paranoia- especially when I'm actually quite a good mother, I think. We're good mothers. We must be. They are dressed and fed before 10am. In the real world (which I occasionally join) that's as good as it gets.
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